WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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