hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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