i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
