So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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