i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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