That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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