im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
