Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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