Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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