He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
