I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
