I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
