Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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