I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
