Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
