You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
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