Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
