my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
organizing the empties. That sober.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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