he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
