He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
