Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We are two peas in an std pod
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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