then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
