3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
