This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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