I just pynch a tree in the face
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
