Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
