It's like a parade of train wrecks.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
