is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
