I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
