i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
