So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
wanna go halves on a baby?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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