and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
