What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
