awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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