TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
