I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
