Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
