You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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