I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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