I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
