I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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