You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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