omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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