my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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