I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
