he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
