I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
