I just saw a hot homeless man
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
