He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
