I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
