it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You dont lie about slip and slides
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
