Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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