I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
