omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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