My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
