Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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