3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
