also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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