doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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