I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
