guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
