i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
