Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
