Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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